HONG KONG (SE): “I’ve learned to pause and reflect on my emotions before reacting in an argument. Now, I can express my real feelings with calmer, kinder words,” shared 63-year-old Caroline Ma, a participant in a recent self-healing programme for caregivers of the elderly.
Caroline, who cares for her older sister who is in her 70s and her retired husband, admits that frequent arguments over household matters once strained their family relationships. She and her husband even joined marriage enrichment courses in hopes of improving communication at home. But it was the self-healing journey with Caritas that taught her how to tend to her own emotional wellbeing first.
The Finding Peace of Heart programme was jointly organised by Caritas Elderly Centres in Central and Aberdeen and the Life Inhering Association for Family Heartfelt Reconnecting. It ran from October last year to March this year, offering much-needed emotional and spiritual support to caregivers of elderly family members.
Ann Chan, senior social work supervisor at Caritas Elderly Centre–Central District, said that while government and non-government organisations have long provided services such as daytime care and home support for the elderly, the emotional needs of caregivers are often overlooked. “Self-care and self-awareness are very important for caregivers before they help their family members,” Chan emphasised.
The programme introduced participants to a variety of self-care techniques, including breathing exercises, art creation, role-playing, and group discussions. These activities aimed to help caregivers recognise their own needs, manage stress, and develop healthier ways of coping with the demands of what they do.
I’ve learned to pause and reflect on my emotions before reacting in an argument. Now, I can express my real feelings with calmer, kinder words
Caroline Ma
At a session on March 5, Caritas social workers introduced Virginia Satir’s “personal iceberg” metaphor. A renowned family therapist, Satir described human behaviour as being shaped by deep layers of unexpressed emotions and unmet needs—like the hidden part of an iceberg beneath the water’s surface.
During the session, around 10 caregivers explored their own frustrations, many of which stemmed from feeling unappreciated or unsupported by family members, or from the exhausting demands of elderly parents, particularly during sleepless nights.
The social workers encouraged participants to take a step back during moments of conflict, to reflect on both their own feelings and the emotional “icebergs” of others, and to rehearse thoughtful responses before speaking.
On March 12, caregivers were invited to reflect on the positive aspects of their lives. They listed sources of joy and comfort: nature, their faith in God, childhood memories of a mother’s love, church communities, their children, pets, and even simple acts like giving themselves a hug.
Grace Cheung, honorary clinical director of the Life Inhering Association, said she was encouraged to see participants gradually learn the value of pausing before reacting and deepening their family connections as a result.
Many caregivers believe they must always be available to meet the elderly’s requests, but they rarely consider their own needs. Some participants initially found it difficult to leave their elderly family members alone even for two hours
Grace Cheung
Cheung stressed the importance of releasing negative emotions through guided reflection and learning to recognise personal needs—such as the need for a break. “Many caregivers believe they must always be available to meet the elderly’s requests, but they rarely consider their own needs,” Cheung explained. “Some participants initially found it difficult to leave their elderly family members alone even for two hours.”
She encouraged caregivers to find moments of respite, such as sitting in a park and appreciating the beauty of flowers. “A simple pause can lift a caregiver’s mood, improving not only their own well-being but also their relationships with those they care for,” she said.
With Hong Kong’s elderly population continuing to grow—and with many caregivers themselves aging—Caritas has been working to identify individuals in need of greater support. Through surveys and outreach, Caritas aims to connect caregivers with community services and collaborative initiatives.
One such partnership is with the Simon K.Y. Lee Foundation, which promotes the Caregiver Support Model. This programme provides education, case management, and service matching to ensure caregivers have the tools and resources they need.
As Hong Kong faces the twin challenges of an aging population and overstretched family caregivers, initiatives like Finding Peace of Heart remind caregivers that their own health and spiritual well-being are just as important as the care they provide.
