HONG KONG (SE): The Covid-19 coronavirus (SARS-CoV-2) pandemic has given family members no choice but to stay home. However, spending long periods of time together can be stressful and can increase the chance of household conflicts. The Diocesan Pastoral Commission for Marriage and the Family, after releasing its survey resulta on the family in June, reminded couples not to forget to join marriage formation activities or talks during the pandemic to relieve pressure as it is always hard for a couple to solve problems alone.
An online survey on couples, parents and pastoral workers, was carried out by the commission in April. A total of 290 couples responded. Half said that their marriage was not affected by the pandemic while 40 per cent even said their relationship had improved due to more time at home.
However, nineteen couples said they needed help with their marriage. The commission approached the concerned couples within two weeks after they received the reply. Five couples were later referred to professional counsellors, while two said they would consider seeking professional help and the rest said they planned to solve their problems by joining more marriage formation activities.
Kevin Lai Yuk-ching, executive secretary of the commission, said the couples who indicated that they needed help used to spend limited time together due to work. “But the requirement for home office increased their time spending with each other and the old problems existing among them triggered frequent conflicts,” he said.
He added that one more reason for arguing could be differences in how seriously virus precaution measures should be taken. “For example, a husband may not like to see his wife wiping the lift buttons with alcohol.”
Lai said the survey result may not reflect the general situation in Hong Kong due to the limited sample size. “For example, it does not show how marriages are affected by economic difficulties, since most respondents are from higher income families.” Yet he said it does not mean such couples are without stress during the pandemic. “They may come home with their own worries, which make them irritable in the face of small matters. But they do not know how to express the real cause of their negative emotions,” he said.
Lai stressed that a couple always needs community support. “They need to share their problems and see how other couples solve their problems,” he said.
He encouraged them to keep joining talks or activities on marriage formation organised by different Church groups, even if they are online. He also reminded newly-weds to develop community support around them at an early stage as they are still exploring ways to get along with each other, noting that Pope Francis, in his 2016 encyclical, Joy of Love, said that it is essential that couples be helped during the first years of their married life especially when marriage preparation work is not sufficient (217).
An annual spiritual camp, organised by the commission on marriage, introducing ways to enrich marriage relationships is scheduled from September 30 to October 6 with virus prevention measures in place while eating and gathering.
In June and July, the commission held online talks explaining the importance of using “I message”, that is, expressions that describe the speaker’s feelings instead of passing judgment on the other, which can be a good way to avoid conflicts between couples. In the second talk, the commission stressed the importance of taking deep breaths when feeling angry, which can help them surrender relationship problems to God and avoid big conflicts.
An online Bible sharing session is also being conducted by the commission in September for parents and children to join.
Of the 135 survey responses from parents, 60 per cent said their relationship with their children improved as they were less busy with work. On the other hand, of the 25 pastoral workers who responded to the survey, most said they need more help from the commission on how to improve emotional health in families.
Lai said the problems pointed out by respondents to the survey will serve as references when the commission plans future programmes.
