By Father Joseph Chan Wing-chiu
I recently attended a couple’s meeting and shared the following topics:
Do you think men are bad? Or are women bad? The answer is definitely men! It is because I have only heard women say that men are bad! Men will only say women are annoying!
So basically, men are bad. Why? Because men are aggressive, that is, they like to fight. So often, when men have a verbal conflict, some will not let go of the other side. That is to say, they are “cocky”. And when women hear harsh words, they will be sad, unhappy, hurt and then say, “men are really bad!” When women become emotional, men will say, “You’re so annoying!” and then go away.
These are the situations between many men and women. Men like to fight. This fighting attitude is actually very important because it is the instinct to make a living. Let’s remember the history of humankind. In the most primitive times, we had to rely on hunting, so men had to compete and fight to ensure that they could survive in competitions. So up to now, competition seems to be hidden in the marrow of men’s bones and they compete all the time.
What do women value? Relationships. Since women take care of their families, children, brothers and sisters at home, they value relationships. When they can maintain harmony, life will be easier. When someone has emotional ups and downs, there will be trouble. So they want to be in a state of harmony all the time.
However, when a man and a woman meet, there is an opportunity for mutual breakthrough and growth. It is a chance to learn, to step out of comfort zones. They are not used to each other’s state of being, and often it is the other person who stirs up their insecurities, and they do not know what to do about it.
Therefore, in the relationship between men and women, they need to look inside themselves and have a sincere dialogue with the self.
Do you have the habit of dialoguing with your inner self? Men: yes; women: yes. But a man’s inner dialogue is “I want to make it clear.” Yes, it is correct, and then what? He feels that the whole world, including women, should know what is right. Therefore, a man will not tell a woman what he has thought about but only dialogues with his own self, and he expects the woman to know.
However, women are different. When a woman is thinking, she must talk to someone. Only after talking does she realise that she has thought about it, and she repeats the important things. When men hear this, they often say, “I’ve said it before! We have talked about it before!” In this case, there are many misunderstandings.
It turns out that after we talk to ourselves, we really need to talk to others again to check and make sure that what we are thinking is understood by others. We have to express our thoughts and only then will they become the reality of our lives.
For example, when you think of something for the sake of the other person, why don’t they know about it? Because you never told him. Of course, in terms of behaviour, you are indeed doing it for the other person, but in fact, the other person may not necessarily know about it. Therefore, after talking and communicating, you can make it even more wonderful because they knows that you are doing it for them.
God spoke his love for us, and redeemed us as the Word became flesh. Have you heard his heart? Can you feel his love?
