“Certainly sons are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward.” (Psalms 127:3)
When we got married on 6 December 2010, our immediate plan was to have a baby. By the end of March in the following year, my husband and I were elated to see the pregnancy kit with two lines, which meant I was pregnant. We immediately booked our first prenatal checkup. We were both excited for the new role that awaited us. When we met the obstetrician-gynecologist, the initial urine and blood test also turned out positive. Our excitement kept on building.
However, there was no heartbeat from the embryo yet when I had my first ultrasound, though it might be due to the fact that I was only in the fifth or sixth week of my pregnancy. We were a bit crestfallen but we remained positive.
After a couple of weeks, we were advised to get another ultrasound to check the heartbeat which should be evident by then. However, there was still no heartbeat. We fervently prayed for a miracle and I took another ultrasound later. The process was painful as it was an endovaginal ultrasound. But I was still optimistic. The third result still showed no heartbeat and the reality was slowly creeping in. We were devastated but the pain did not blow up yet until the following day when I saw some spotting. It was Easter Sunday. The day that we all rejoice for Jesus Christ rose from the dead. Yet my husband and I were both distressed and scared. With a heavy heart, we went to the hospital and when the attending physician said that I had a miscarriage and needed to undergo a procedure of dilation and curettage.
I was heartbroken. The pain was inexplicable because I thought that I was rewarded with a gift of life. The night prior to the operation, I asked my husband to give me some time alone. I just cried and felt like my heart was shattered into pieces.
After the operation and a day of painful recovery, my family visited me. They showered me with support and love. They also gave encouraging words to lift my spirit.
When they all left, my husband and I talked about the whole ordeal. I learned that the night I asked to be alone, he also went to the car and cried. We shared the same pain. Then we prayed and asked for strength to face a different tomorrow.
We are both accountants by profession and it meant a very busy work schedule and endless reporting deadlines. We usually work overtime, especially my husband, since he has bigger responsibilities in his company. Since I had the dilation and curettage procedure, I was given maternity leave. It’s quite ironic but I still took it anyway to have some rest. My husband also started to slow down in office work to lessen his stress and began to exercise. In essence, we tried to be healthy. My miscarriage was due to blighted ovum and we thought that a healthy lifestyle may give us another shot.
True enough, after a couple of months, we saw again the two lines in the pregnancy kit. We were thrilled but anxious at the same time. I was particularly traumatised by the previous events. When I had my first prenatal checkup, the results were indeed positive. However, in the initial ultrasound, there was a mass of blood near the fetus. According to the doctor, it was a threatened abortion. My anxiety rose again and fear engulfed me. The horror I just went through couldn’t be happening again. The condition required me to have one month of bed rest or until the mass of blood disappear. It was difficult as my mobility should be limited. I could only stand to attend nature’s call. Good thing the washroom was only a few steps away from our bed. My husband also cleaned me in bed so I didn’t need to stand long. And since, I just lay down all day except when I ate. My hair was so tangled that it looked like dreadlocks. It was emotionally, physically and psychologically straining. It was an arduous month for me and my husband but we endured in hope and faith.
As we celebrate the 500 years of Christianity in the Philippines. The Chaplaincy to Filipino Migrants organises an on-line talk every Tuesday at 9.00pm. You can join us at:
https://www.Facebook.com/CFM-Gifted-to-give-101039001847033
After a month, my doctor said I could go back to work and I was delighted because I could see my colleagues and have my normal life back. As my tummy grew, and so is my love to my unborn child. How the heart is capable of such emotion is beyond me. On my fourth month of pregnancy, another unexpected thing happened that brought fear yet again. I experienced excessive vomiting and was later hospitalised for almost a week. Still, we kept our faith in the promise that my unborn child is a reward.
I told myself that everything else was temporary – the hardships and trials of pregnancy, but the motherhood that I would soon face will be a lifetime of great rewards.
In April 2012, I gave birth to a daughter which we named Lady Shannel. In July 2018, we were blessed with a son and in March 2020, we were blessed with our youngest daughter, Shayden Quinn.
Nerissa Soriano
