HONG KONG (SE): “In the past few years, it has been tough for them to go home to their own countries, so some of them have become estranged from their family members as they rarely see each other, and there has been very little communication, which can cause some problems in a relationship,” Doctor Willy Wong Chung-hin, a specialist in psychiatry, told the Sunday Examiner before a talk for Indonesian workers about betrayal in marriage on March 5.
For the past half year, Peduli Kasih Hong Kong [Hong Kong Care and Charity] organised a series of talks for Indonesian domestic workers to show how trauma, relationship and sexuality are interconnected. The group also held talks about different psychological issues, such as menopause health and the importance of relieving stress through creative activities.
The final session on “Navigating Through Betrayal” was held at Bank Negara Indonesia in Admiralty on March 5.
The last talk was supported by priests and sisters serving migrants who encouraged people to come. It was conducted in English with Indonesian interpretation provided by Nathalia Widjaja, director of the group and a psychologist. The group was formed by members of the Indonesian Catholic Community in 2020, together with Muslim and Protestant volunteers.
In the past few years, it has been tough for them to go home to their own countries, so some of them have become estranged from their family members as they rarely see each other, and there has been very little communication, which can cause some problems in a relationship
Doctor Willy Wong
Wong, who works closely with the group, said they had seen several cases in which a family suffered because of the husband had an extramarital affair, so he hopes that the talk can aid families and help them understand some situations that might be a signal of such marriage problems and what to do next.
The specialist said reactions upon discovering a betrayal include shock, recognition, depression, grief and gradual acceptance. It will also cause emotional problems, violence, self-harm, relationship break-up, divorce and adverse effects on children. In the wake of such problems, a person may have a damaged self-image and even a risk of psychological problems.
He encouraged a couple to, while managing the betrayal, recall their happy memories, see if there is any remorse from the partner who has betrayed the other, the level of damage to the family and children and if the relationship is salvageable. He pointed out that blaming should be minimised or the chance to mend the relationship will be slight. Moreover, if the relationship cannot be saved, the betrayed partner should allow him or herself plenty of time to grieve, try not to hate anyone and seek professional help if necessary.
“The more hatred, the more negative feeling will be inside yourself. … At some moment, let go, and forgiveness is the best solution for this situation, or you will be the one to suffer,” he said. “Try to see yourself as the most important person in life and try to build a better future for yourself,” he continued.
The more hatred, the more negative feeling will be inside yourself. … At some moment, let go, and forgiveness is the best solution for this situation, or you will be the one to suffe
Doctor Wong
Wong said that the pandemic had given a chance for the group to come into contact with more workers with physiological problems through its online programme, which takes place on Sundays or late at night on weekdays when the workers are off work.
He believes that the foreign domestic workers are, in fact, a group with little support in Hong Kong, and their long working hours have made it very difficult for them to find some support services.
He said good mental health is essential for their work performance and encouraged employers to offer more understanding when their workers have family problems.
Around 100 people attended the talk. Mullaeii Laeii, an attendant, said she used to avoid talking about sensitive issues in her family, but the talk reminded her that it is necessary to be open in their communications.
At the end of the talk Elfani Prassanti, public affairs officer of the Indonesian consulate, thanked Peduli Kasih for running education programmes and expressed her appreciation for workers who never stop learning.
