HONG KONG (SE): “They may feel as though they have lost not only a child, but also their role as parents, their health, and their hopes for the future. This layered loss makes recovery a complex journey,” Elaine Chan, project supervisor of Grace Port – Caritas Miscarriage Support Centre, explained during a talk on July 26 at the Diocese Centre auditorium.
Organised by the formation group of the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception, the event sought to raise awareness of the challenges faced by couples after miscarriage, offering both information and support, and fostering greater compassion within the community.
Dignity for every life
Father Dominic Chan Chi-ming, initiator of the Angels’ Garden at Holy Cross Catholic Cemetery in Cape Collinson, spoke about the importance of dignified burials for miscarried babies. He recalled the case of Baby Wally, who died at 15 weeks on 22 April 2017. At that time, remains from miscarriages before 24 weeks were classified as medical waste, leaving parents without the possibility of burial.
In response, the diocese sought special permission, and by July 2017 new provisions were made, leading to the creation of Angels’ Garden as a resting place for the remains or ashes of foetuses under 24 weeks.
They may feel as though they have lost not only a child, but also their role as parents, their health, and their hopes for the future. This layered loss makes recovery a complex journey
Elaine Chan
Father Chan welcomed the Hong Kong government’s subsequent improvements to burial arrangements from 2018, which extended burial options in both public and private cemeteries.
He noted how painful it had been for parents to have no stillbirth certificate, stressing that every life, however brief, has dignity. He added that allowing families to honour their children helps them heal and reminds society of the value of life.
The emotional journey of loss
Elaine Chan described both the physical and emotional impacts of miscarriage. Physically, women may suffer bleeding, pain, fever, or gastrointestinal distress after medical intervention, while surgical procedures carry risks such as infection or complications affecting fertility.
Emotionally, miscarriage can bring grief, guilt, anger, and anxiety. Couples may struggle as they grieve differently, sometimes leading to conflict. She noted that these differences can result in challenges in communication, exacerbating feelings of helplessness.
The social worker encouraged couples experiencing miscarriage to practice patience and active listening. Husbands can offer support through practical tasks like helping with household chores and attending medical appointments.
Father Chan welcomed the Hong Kong government’s subsequent improvements to burial arrangements from 2018, which extended burial options in both public and private cemeteries
She reminded couples that the grieving process may take time, especially on significant dates like surgery or due dates, during which extra care for their emotions is essential.
“Couples should avoid judgment, unwarranted comments, or questioning the reasons for the miscarriage,” she counselled.
Chan also urged friends and relatives around the couple not to dismiss their grief or press the couple to try for another child too quickly. “Offering condolences and understanding their feelings can provide vital emotional support,” she said.
Edo and Gabriel, a couple receiving support from Grace Port shared their gratitude, saying the personalised help they received allowed them to process their grief and begin healing together.
Burial procedures and support services
Procedures for burial of stillborn babies vary depending on the baby’s gestational age. For babies under 24 weeks, parents must inform healthcare staff of their wish to retrieve the remains.
After completing an application form and obtaining approval from the hospital, parents can retrieve their baby within about a month. They can then arrange for burial through public and private facilities or apply for private cremation with the Environmental Protection Department.
Couples should avoid judgment, unwarranted comments, or questioning the reasons for the miscarriage
Elaine Chan
For babies of 24 weeks or more, parents receive a stillbirth certificate and cremation permit from the Department of Health. They should be aware, however, that cremation may not always produce ashes.
For interment in the Angels’ Garden, at least one parent must be Catholic. Families may use biodegradable boxes and may include small tokens such as toys or letters.
Several Christian organisations provide supportive services for couples facing miscarriage. The Diocesan Pastoral Commission for Marriage and the Family operates a hotline [2560 3788] to accompany those experiencing miscarriage, abortion guilt, fertility struggles, or difficult prenatal diagnoses.
The Young Women’s Christian Association also offers a hotline [5160 6248] and services such as such as the design of memorial boxes, other memorial items like baby angel garments and personalised certificates, as well as other healing activities.
